Why do nice guys rarely or never win?
07.06.2025 11:37
Also, unfortunately, due to rise of social media, movies, tv, music, etc, the term “nice guy” has been given negative connotations. The regular (non-powerful) “nice guy” stereotype invokes a sense of:
clingy, in need of constant reassurance
self-determination, knowing what you want (but with pro-social rather than selfish goals), and going after what you want with intensity (but without violating other people’s boundaries)
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For the most part, scientifically speaking because this phenomena is so common it has been studied, their niceness can be perceived as a lack of confidence or a sign of being easily manipulated, leading to others taking advantage of them in competitive situations. To some, it can be seen as a lack of assertiveness, them being seen as “too available”, and simply a lack of confidence. Some studies are so bold as to say “nice guys are scared to be themselves” as well as the other “reasons” listed above, but in my opinion, such is straight up bullshit because I’ve met many amazing “nice guys” that had confidence, badassery, and were unique unto themselves. I have noticed however, that some genuine nice guys don’t go with the flow of the masses, and this throws women off especially in the early years where popularity tends to be going with the flow of the masses and thus not being yourself, often becoming a product of fakeness to fit in with the “in” crowd.
So yeah, unfortunately, the answer to this question stems from the psyche of most young women. According to research, women are generally attracted to men who demonstrate confidence, even if said confidence is rooted in arrogance. They like the “bad boy type”, even if said type leads to heartbreak and broken relationships. Women may be attracted to "bad boys" for a variety of reasons, including the thrill of the chase, the perceived mystery surrounding them, the potential to "fix" them, a desire for excitement, and sometimes even an unconscious evolutionary pull towards traits that might signal strength and dominance, even if those traits can be problematic in a long-term relationship. Women are often attracted to traits found among bad guys, but thankfully, these traits are also found among what you might call “powerful good guys.”
low confidence
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a quiet confidence (rather than a bragging narcissistic confidence)
lack of charisma (e.g., low energy, lack of presence)
Lastly, many young women are well… young and mentally immature. Keep in mind the prefrontal cortex tends to not be fully developed until one is 25 years of age. Also, many young ladies grew up being “the princess”. They’re “hot shit that can do no wrong”. The societal push of sex, sexual whatnot, and stuff like OnlyFans also gave many women ideas of false sense of self and expectations in a partner. On a basic level, we also like to desired and feel special. Many young women will hook up with a steaming pile of shit as long as he makes her feel desired and special. Unfortunately, many great guys tend to be reserved and have a hard time approaching girls and making them feel special right off the bat, often times needing to warm up to them and make a genuine connection first.
strength that is used to protect others (not to take advantage of or manipulate others)
As a woman, I’ve actually always wondered this myself growing up in school and even now in my early 20s. I’ve witnessed this phenomenon a good deal and it always left me scratching my head in wonder. Why are genuinely nice and awesome guys ignored?
On the other hand, there are “powerful good guys” who reflect the traits that more mentally mature women tend to like while not being “bad” at all. If you are a powerful, good guy, you demonstrate the following:
not knowing what you want or not pursuing what you want
Heck, according to studies, supposedly 1 in every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. 1 in 6!!! That’s insane if true!
weakness, patheticness, neediness
One of my old boyfriends I dated for a time, a quality bf that I almost ended up marrying before we broke things off due to life reasons and nothing bad, was a “nice” guy. Genuinely just a decent guy. Strong in moral fiber and upbringing, confident, bad ass, etc. He was the sort of guy that you’d think any girl would want to date. And yet, he stated before he met me, he only had 3 other girlfriends in life, and most girls tended to avoid him like the plague to where it felt like he didn’t exist. He stated he never knew why, just how it was. And it’s not like he was a bad looking guy. Lamented that he saw too often the girls hook up with jerks and he just grew to be like whatever. He’s now happily married to a smoking cute redhead and is doing quite well for himself.
However, these guys tended to portray cocky, bad boy, not giving a fuck attitudes that many young women for whatever reason dig. Decent and good men would be all the overlooked as they girls constantly dated trash, slept with trash, got their hearts broken by trash, and got knocked up and then dumped by trash.
etc.
Why? Are that many men truly that awful? Truth be told, whether other women like to hear it or not, NO, not many men are that awful. It’s just that it is so stupid common for young ladies to be attracted to trashy men that the number is supposedly that high. And thus, sadder still, many women then blame mankind for their bad relationship decisions.
I remember being in high school and there was this one guy that just about every girl was crushing on. Even in high school he had some light stubble going on, a strong jaw line, and the sort of good looks to make women swoon. And yet his character and inner workings were awful. I remember over hearing him brag to one of his friends about his body count and laughing about breaking up with these girls, stating that he just wanted to sleep with as many as he could and he quote “didn’t give two fucks about any of those ‘sluts’ that slept with him”. And yet, almost every girl in school wanted to be with him.
a sense of entitlement or a lack of responsibility
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low assertiveness
This is why it’s so sadly common for many young ladies to hook up with absolute jerks and straight up trash. I remember when I used to live in Arizona and I’d be out and about and it was disturbing to see the amount of beautiful young women with straight up losers and d-bags. And I mean like “The Island Boys” kinda of trash. Like “wtf are you ladies thinking” type of trash.